


[MMMMMMF4F] [Script Offer] ♣️♦️ Poke-her Night ♥️♠️

by FreexSerene



Category: Borderlands (Video Games), Evil Dead - All Media Types, Poker Night 2, Portal (Video Game), Sam & Max (Video Games), The Venture Bros
Genre: Aftercare, Blow Jobs, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Creampie, Cunnilingus, Exhibitionism, F/M, Gone wild audio - Freeform, Humor, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Other, Poker Night, Propositions, Public Sex, Reverse Harem, Robots, SILLY GAME GO BRRRR, Screenplay/Script Format, Spitroasting, Teasing, Threesome - F/M/M, Voyeurism, cliffhanger ending, gwa, sam & max is becoming popular again so i hope this'll at least get a few hits, video game references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:54:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29985255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreexSerene/pseuds/FreexSerene
Summary: (This script is written by an adult, for adults, and is strictly for an 18+ audience)The Player is just your average human, who somehow ended up playing poker with a group of multi-media megastars. Sentient robots, men that could kill her with one hand... even gun-toting anthropomorphic animals.As if that wasn’t enough, she keeps getting comments about how 'lame' she is. But one of the players, an annoying robot named Claptrap, theorises that surely there’s SOMETHING she can do to prove she isn’t boring... and hey, maybe it can provide some entertainment for everyone.
Relationships: Ash Williams/You, Brock Samson/You, Claptrap/You, GLaDOS/You, Max/Sam (Sam & Max)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	[MMMMMMF4F] [Script Offer] ♣️♦️ Poke-her Night ♥️♠️

Cast: 

**Ash Williams:** You’re competitive, playful, and an overall badass. You’ve starred in comics, video games, movies- you name it. You’re not one to back down from a challenge, but when The Player offers to take a break from the poker game... who would you be to refuse?

 **Brock Samson:** Kronk fans eat your heart out, because this guy’s voiced by Patrick Warburton. You’re serious, strong, and sex-obsessed. You take shit from nobody- but The Player is _definitely_ going to be taking _you…_

 **Claptrap:** Annoying. Excitable. Seriously lacking in tact. You just can’t understand why The Host invited The Player to join the poker night. I mean, she’s just a boring human. But maybe, with your irresistible robotic charm, you can get her to show how interesting she can really be. (Your voice should sound robotic.)

 **Sam:** You’re a calm and protective member of the Freelance Police. You rarely lose your temper, and always treat The Player with kindness. She’s cute, but she’s not your type... That’s not going to stop you from watching from a nearby table, though. You and Max are partners, best friends, and husbands.

 **Max:** Adorable and cuddly on the outside, hyperactive and violent on the inside. But really, you’re kind of a softie, and you especially like cute things- like The Player. Maybe you should recruit her for the Freelance Police... as long as she knows Sam is yours. Besides, you don’t even like girls. You and Sam are partners, best friends, and husbands.

 **GLaDOS:** You’re a highly intelligent and dangerous robot, known for your deadpan snark. Being the card dealer in a poker game is fun, because you get to tease the players... but you didn’t expect it to be _that_ kind of teasing. (Your voice should sound robotic.)

 **The Host:** You are Reginald Van Winslow, The Host of the poker game and the venue known as 'The Inventory'. You end up needing to step outside, giving the people you've invited ample time alone together... (You also only have 2 lines in the script)

[Stage Directions & Tone Indication] are in square brackets

\- [Game Trailer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LrxeK95O_0)

\- [Intro to the game](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ss09bx26t6E)

\- [Compilation of game moments](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Egni86k-2dA&t=371s)

Feel free to improv or change certain lines!

* * *

  
  


[The setting is a venue known as ‘The Inventory’, and the characters are in the middle of a poker game. Background music from the game could be used in the beginning to set the scene.]

[The people sitting at the poker table are **The Player, Brock, Claptrap, Ash,** and **Sam.** Sam’s partner, **Max,** is sitting at another table watching the game]

[Sam is just finishing up telling a story to the others]

**Sam:** And _that’s_ why Max isn’t allowed in that store anymore.

**Max:** [lightly defensive] An overreaction if you ask me.

**Ash:** That’s just… [small laugh] wow.

**Glados:** Amazing that a simple organic creature can cause so much chaos...

**Brock:** [small laugh] You two have been through a lot of crazy shit, huh?

**Sam:** [fond] You don’t know the half of it.

**Claptrap:** Hah! You think _that’s_ crazy? Wait’ll I tell you about the time I-

  
  


[Suddenly, there’s the sound of a ringing phone.]

  
  


**The Host:** Ah! So sorry, everyone. I need to step outside and take this. Feel free to take a break from your game until I return!

**Sam:** Sure, no problem.

  
  


[Footsteps as The Host walks away. The distant sound of a door opening and closing]

[Optional improv as the players relax from their game]

  
  


[Claptrap suddenly slams his hands down on the table excitedly]

  
  


**Claptrap:** Isn’t it awesome that The Host managed to get all of us together in the same place?

**Glados:** It _is_ rather amusing. I believe this is what the internet would call ‘an ambitious crossover.’

**Claptrap:** _Right?_ I mean, look at us! We’re like celebrities!

**Ash:** Well, that’s not really what I’d call myself, but I guess I see what you mean.

**Claptrap:** Aw, come on man, don’t be modest. [lower] At least you’re not like _Captain Lame-o_ over there. 

  
  


[The Player doesn’t know how to respond to Claptrap’s insult]

  
  


**Sam:** [scolding] Hey. It’s not nice to say things like that.

**Claptrap:** _What?_ I’m telling the truth! She’s not from a movie or a comic book or a video game! I bet she doesn’t even have her own _action figure!_

**Glados:** Technically, she _is_ from a video game…

**Claptrap:** [rolls his eye(s)] well, _yeah_ , but you know what I mean! [to The Player] so, how _did_ you manage to get invited here?

  
  


[The Player shrugs]

  
  


**Brock:** Didn’t The Host say something about this being your second time?

**Max:** Yeah! _We’ve_ played poker together before!

**Claptrap:** ...Really? So, uh… _are_ you from a video game? Like- a _real_ video game?

  
  


[The Player shakes her head]

  
  


**Claptrap:** [irritated sound] see what I mean? You’re the odd one out here!

**Brock:** Jeez, and I thought _I_ was an asshole...

**Max:** I’m all for confrontation, but it seems like he’s just being rude for no reason, Sam.

**Sam:** Yeah…

**Claptrap:** [defensive] I-I’m not trying to be rude!

**Glados:** Really? Because you’re succeeding spectacularly.

  
  


**Claptrap:** Yeah! [to The Player] I-I’m sure you’re _awesome_ and _totally_ not mind-numbingly boring!

**Ash:**...That’s not really a compliment...

**Claptrap:** I’m just saying, I’d be more willing to believe you if you did something to _prove_ you’re not boring!

**Brock:** Oh yeah? Like what?

**Claptrap:** Uhh… I dunno. [to The Player] what are you good at besides playing poker and looking pretty?

**Ash:** ...I think _that_ was a backhanded compliment, too…

  
  


**Glados:** We could have The Player complete a series of tasks in the Aperture Science test chambers. _Those_ are always fun. For me at least.

**Max:** We could give her a bunch of weapons and put her up against a monster!

**Sam:** Now _that’d_ be interesting. I’m sure Max and I accidentally created at least _one_ city-destroying creature on our way here.

**Ash:** I’d like to see how she deals with a hoard of Deadites. Seeing how someone reacts in the face of death is very telling of their character.

  
  


[Short pause. Everyone is proud of their ideas]

  
  


**Brock:** Uh… guys? Wouldn’t it be better to choose something less… deadly?

  
  


[The other players are embarrassed]

  
  


**Glados:** Yes… The Owner would frown upon putting The Player’s life in danger… even if it would be entertaining.

**Sam:** Yeah... Sorry about that.

  
  


**Ash:** [to The Player] hey… don’t listen to Johnny 5 over here. You’re not boring. Let’s just chill out until The Host gets back, kay? [smile] ...the robot’s right about one thing, though. You _are_ pretty.

**Brock:** I second that. You got that going for ya, sweetcheeks.

  
  
  


[Pause/Ambient background noise for a short while. Eventually…]

  
  
  


**Claptrap:** [quiet, annoying laugh- like he’s up to something] Heh… Heheheh…

**Glados:** What are you giggling at, you irritating but oddly charming piece of scrap metal?

**Claptrap:** Oh, nothing… I uh- heh- I just thought of a way The Player can prove she’s not boring.

**Brock:** Ah, jeez…

**Claptrap:** No, seriously! Trust me, you guys are gonna love it. [to The Player] it’ll be with your consent, of course.

**Sam:** ...huh?

**Claptrap:** _Y’know?_ It’s a way she could... _entertain_ us, if you catch my drift.

  
  


[short pause]

  
  


**Ash:**...what are you getting at?

**Claptrap:** [irritated that no one is picking up on his hints] _seriously?_ I’m _saying,_ The Player can prove to us she’s not boring by giving us a show!

**Glados:** ...are you suggesting that The Player should-

**Claptrap:** [interrupting] Let us fuck her on the poker table!

  
  


[Everyone but Claptrap has a shocked reaction. Choking on their drink, audibly recoiling, etc... Improv with what reactions you think the characters would have!]

  
  


**Max:** _Grody!_

**Sam:** _Jesus._ You sexually-repressed high-tech microwave! You can’t just ask someone for that!

**Claptrap:** _...What?_ If you don’t ask, you don’t get!

**Ash:** Uh, yeah... there tends to be a time and a place for these things…

  
  


[Pause]

  
  


**Claptrap:** Time– night. Place– seedy bar with a bunch of adults and alcohol. That’s the _perfect_ time and place!

**Ash:** ...no, what I meant was-

**Sam:** Guys, guys, don’t you think _The Player_ should get a say in this?

**Brock:** It _is_ kind of weird to talk about this stuff when she’s right there in front of us.

**Claptrap:** Uh... yeah, right. Sorry. [defensive but genuine] It was just an idea..! I mean, _look_ at her! She’s _beautiful!_ _You two_ are the ones who’ve been staring all night!

  
  


[Ash and Brock are embarrassed]

  
  


**Claptrap:** [to The Player] I _did_ say we’d need your consent before we did anything.

**Ash:** Yeah, I just still don’t think it’s really appropriate to-

  
  


[The Player interrupts them by saying she _does_ want to get fucked by them]

  
  


**Ash:** Wait… really?

**Brock:** You’d... be okay with it? Right here? With people watching?

  
  


[The Player confirms]

  
  


**Brock:** Damn… that _is_ pretty hot… [he snaps himself out of his fantasy] But, uh… maybe it’s not the best idea.

  
  


[The Player is disappointed]

  
  


**Glados:** Why? Do you not find The Player attractive?

**Brock:** [quick to answer] _Of course I do!_ I mean- Well, yeah! [to The Player] You’re gorgeous, and, uh… I’d _love_ to bend you over this poker table…

**Ash:** Yeah.. me too. You’ve been so quiet during this game… I can only imagine the things I’d do to get you to moan for me...

  
  


[The two get lost in their fantasies for a moment]

  
  


**Glados:** I know _I’d_ certainly enjoy watching.

**Sam:** Yeah…[smirk] me too.

**Max:** Ah, what the heck, add me to the audience as well!

  
  


**Claptrap:** [excited his idea is working] _Hell fuckin’ yeah!_ What are we waiting for!?

  
  


**Ash:** [apprehensive] I dunno... We don’t want to force you into anything. 

**Brock:** [apprehensive] yeah. I mean...

**Ash:** What if you’re pretending to want it because you don’t want to let us down? You just... you seem like the type to be a people pleaser, and the _toaster_ over here _is_ pretty pushy.

**Claptrap:** [offended] _hey!_

**Brock:** He’s right.

**Ash:** We need to know you’re genuinely giving consent, y’know?

  
  


[Robotic sounds as Glados leans towards Ash]

  
  


**Glados:** If you’d like, I can run a scan of her body to help determine her level of arousal.

**Claptrap:** [amazed] You can _do_ that?

**Glados:** Yes.

**Claptrap:** ...damn. If _I_ were built by Aperture Science, my dating life would be _so much_ _easier_.

**Glados:** [ignoring Claptrap] What do you say, human? Want me to help you prove you’re telling the truth?

  
  


[pause as The Player agrees]

  
  


**Glados:** Excellent.

  
  


[Robotic noises/beeping as Glados scans The Player]

  
  


**Glados:** Scanning... Scanning... 

  
  


[Beep as the scan finishes]

  
  


**Glados:** Scans indicate The Player is showing high levels of arousal. Physical signs include an accelerated heart rate, and increased blood flow to her cheeks and sexual organs.

**Ash:** Damn…

**Glados:** Oh, and, plot twist- I scanned everyone else too. From their scans I can tell that Sam, Max, and Claptrap are definitely happy to be spectators- Claptrap most of all.

**Claptrap:** _Can ya blame me?_

**Glados:** Brock and Ash are also exhibiting clear signs of arousal- although theirs is a lot more… obvious.

  
  


[Pause]

  
  


**Ash:** So... if _you_ want it, and _we_ want it…

**Brock:** [chuckle] This, uh… really wasn’t how I expected to spend the evening. I’m not complaining, though.

**Sam:** [getting up from his chair] you guys can have your fun. I’m gonna go and sit with Max.

**Max:** Aw, Sam! I never knew you cared!

**Sam:** [fond] quiet down, bonehead.

  
  


**Ash:** [smug] Well? Get over here, baby. I dunno how long we’ve got till The Host comes back.

**Claptrap:** I hope that phone call lasts a _long_ time.

**Ash:** [chuckle] you and me both, buddy. You and me both...

  
  


[The Player walks over to Ash’s side of the table, as Ash and Brock both stand up]

  
  


**Ash:** [smile] hey there.

**Brock:** [teasing] You’re so much shorter than the two of us. Like your men tall, huh?

**Max:** Hey, just like me!

  
  


[Ash places his metal hand on The Player’s chin, lifting up her face]

  
  


**Ash:** [small laugh] you’re so cute…

  
  


[Ash kisses the player a few times. Start off slow and gradually get more passionate]

  
  


**Claptrap:** Whoa… even just watching them _kiss_ is hot.

**Ash:** Heh… sorry if my hand’s kinda cold. The metal will warm up the more I touch you.

**Brock:** Yeah… [he moves behind The Player, wrapping his arms around her waist] don’t worry. You’re gonna get _real_ used to us, dollface.

  
  


[Ash kisses The Player for a little bit longer. Close sounds of Brock breathing/sighing and the occasional hum of approval]

  
  


**Ash:** I think it’s time we got _these_ out of the way.

  
  


[The sound of poker chips scattering and falling to the floor as Ash sweeps his arm across the table]

[Pause as The Player comments on it]

  
  


**Ash:** Ehh, who cares about the poker chips. We can pick them up after. Now, get up on the table.

  
  


[The Player sits on the edge of the table]

  
  


**Ash:** There ya go…

  
  


[Ash kneels down between The Player’s legs. Brock takes a seat on the table, half-behind/half-next to her]

[Fabric rustling sounds]

  
  


**Ash:** Let’s get rid of these pants, and… [seductive laugh] ohh, this is some cute underwear. And… shit, I can _see_ how wet you are.. You’re soaking right through the fabric…

**Brock:** [small growl in The Players ear] goddamn.

**Claptrap:** _See?_ I _told_ you guys this was an awesome idea!

**Ash:** These look great on you… But they’d look better on the floor. Let’s get them off...

**Brock:** The same can be said for this shirt of yours. Here, lift up your arms.

  
  


[more fabric sounds]

  
  


**Brock:** Yeah, and your bra, too...

**Claptrap:** [quietly] _they even match…_

**Ash:** Fuck, baby...

  
  


[Ash rubs his finger up The Players lips, eventually pressing down on her clit]

  
  


**Ash:** Mm, the way you shiver when I touch you... [growl]

**Claptrap:** _Damn._

**Glados:** She’s so sensitive. Fascinating…

  
  


**Ash:** ...You want my tongue inside you, baby?

  
  


[The Player says yes]

  
  


**Ash:** Yeah? Mm… perfect. Come here…

  
  


[Ash pulls The Player closer by her thighs, burying his face in her pussy]

[The Player arches her back and can’t stop herself moaning loudly]

  
  


[Each character has a positive reaction to it. Improv how you think they’d react!]

  
  


**Ash:** [growl] you taste so good... I can’t get enough of you. Moan louder for me...

**Brock:** Heh… while he’s busy with your pussy… I’m gonna slide my hands _up_ and _down_ your body… _Right_ up to your chest. [chuckle] you like how rough my hands are? On your sensitive little nipples… Being stimulated in two places at once like this… you love it, don’t you?

  
  


[continue wet sounds as Ash eats The Player out and Brock teases her nipples]

  
  


**Claptrap:** Arch your back more! I can’t see!

**Brock:** Damn, dollface... your skin is so soft.

  
  


[Ash stops eating The Player out, and rubs his hands over her thighs as he talks]

  
  


**Ash:** Yeah. I mean, maybe I just need to moisturise more, but... [small growl] your skin is like silk...

  
  


[He goes back to eating her out]

  
  


**Brock:** [quiet laugh] hey... are you a virgin, sweetcheeks?

  
  


[The Player struggles to respond]

  
  


**Claptrap:** _...ohhh..._ Glados, wouldn’t you have picked that up on your scan?

**Glados:** Normally yes, but for some reason, this time it was inconclusive. I’m unsure if she’s a virgin or not.

**Claptrap:** [disappointed] _Damn it._

**Brock:** Ehh, it’s not like it matters. [a few neck kisses] ...We’re gonna have you shaking and screaming either way.

**Ash:** [growl/moan] _Fuck._ You tightened up so much just now... Hey Brock, kiss her neck and whisper in her ear some more. [teasing] I think she likes it.

**Brock:** [quiet laugh] oh yeah? Like this? 

  
  


[A few more kisses.]

  
  


**Brock:** Oh, you _do_ like that. Mm… maybe I’ll leave a few hickeys on you. It can be a memento of the evening.

  
  
  


[Wet sounds. Brock keeps kissing/sucking on The Player’s neck, while Ash eats her out]

  
  
  


**Claptrap:** Now _this_ is what I’m talking about! You’re doing a good job, Captain Lame-o. 

**Glados:** Normally I despise you humans, but this time, I’m in agreement. The Player really is a perfect specimen.

  
  


**Max:** Fuck, Sam... Watching this _is_ kind of hot. I mean, listen to how loud she’s moaning.

**Sam:** [unfazed] Take it easy, Max. You don’t even like girls.

**Max:** Oh yeah, you’re right... [giggle]

**Sam:** You’re cute when you’re flustered, little buddy.

  
  


**Ash:** [speaking through eating her out] that’s it, baby... grip onto my hair like that.

**Brock:** [stop kissing her neck while you speak] Mm... you’re covered in goosebumps, but your cheeks are so hot. And look how hard your nipples are... Guess that means we’re doing a good job, huh?

  
  


[Continue wet sounds for a little bit longer]

[Eventually, The Player gasps, giving clear signs she’s about to cum]

  
  


**Brock:** [quickly stops kissing her neck]

**Ash:** [quickly stops eating her out] _Ah-!_ Nuh-uh, you’re not cumming yet. 

  
  


[The Player whines]

  
  


**Sam:** Aw.. That doesn’t seem fair.

**Glados:** I usually find teasing amusing, but even _I_ have to agree. She was about to climax. Is that not one of the goals of sexual encounters?

**Brock:** Sure it is. [teasing] but _we_ wanna get off too.

**Ash:** [low chuckle] look at how desperate you are... You really wanted to cum in my mouth, didn’t you? Mmm… maybe another time, baby. Right now, _I_ wanna cum in _your_ mouth...

**Brock:** Sounds good to me… ‘Cause I am _dying_ to see what it’s like to have my cock inside that pussy… 

**Claptrap:** Fucking her in two holes at once? _Hell yeah!_

  
  


**Ash:** Come on, stand up, baby.

  
  


[Ash helps The Player stand up, while Brock stares at the poker table]

[short pause]

  
  


**Brock:** Hmm… _damn_ this table. S’too big for us to be able to fuck you at the same time.

**Ash:**..Yeah, you’re right.

  
  


**Sam:** Well, it _is_ designed for poker. Not, uh, poking _her._ [quiet, proud laugh]

  
  


[Max shakes his head at his partners pun]

  
  


**Max:** ...really?

  
  


[There is an air of disappointment for a moment]

  
  


**Claptrap:** [frustrated] _Aww!_ But- But I was looking forward to-

**Glados:** Couldn’t you bend her over one of the barstools? That way you’d be at the perfect angle.

  
  


[short pause]

  
  


**Ash:** Hey... that’s a good idea!

**Brock:** [chuckle] sure is.

  
  


[Brock moves to grab a barstool]

  
  


**Claptrap:** Oh, yeah! [thoughtful] Huh… Why does that sound familiar, though? Two guys bending a girl over a barstool..?

**Glados:** Since I have so much free time back at the lab, it leaves a lot of room for… erotic online video-based research.

  
  


[Claptrap realises Glados watches the same kind of porn as him]

  
  


**Claptrap:** ….That. Is. So. _Hot._

  
  
  


**Brock:** Here ya go, one barstool. [he places the barstool down] that gonna be comfortable enough for ya, sweetcheeks?

  
  


[The Player leans over it and nods]

  
  


**Ash:** Wow… this _is_ the perfect angle.

**Brock:** Yeah… [rubbing his hands over The Player’s ass] such a pretty view… [growl] I can’t wait any longer. I _need_ this pussy around my cock.

**Ash:** [growl] yeah… and I need your mouth, baby...

  
  


[Belts unbuckling and fabric sounds as Brock and Ash take out their cocks]

  
  


**Ash:** [small laugh] like what you see? Mm… look at how hard you’ve made me already. Put your hands on my cock, baby… That’s it-

  
  


[Ash moans loudly as The Player starts rubbing his cock]

  
  


**Ash:** Your hands are even softer than your thighs…

**Brock:** [chuckle] here, turn your head, dollface. I’m rock hard, too. You want that inside you, right?

  
  


[The Player nods]

  
  


**Brock:** [growl] fuck yeah you do. I’m just gonna hold onto your hips, and...

  
  


[Brock moans as he slides himself slowly into The Player]

  
  


**Brock:** ...slide into you. _Goddamn_ , you feel good… [moan] Squeezing around my cock. You were right, Ash. She’s so damn _wet..._

  
  


[Brock starts moving his hips, pumping into The Player]

  
  


[Now this is the fun part. Improv the moans & wet sounds, and feel free to add extra lines! You can improv lines for the characters watching too!]

  
  


**Ash:** [breathy] Use… use your tongue too, baby… [moan] _Just like that…_

  
  


[Wet sounds of Ash fucking her face, and Brock fucking her pussy]

  
  


**Ash:** Deeper… take all of my cock in your mouth.

**Brock:** [chuckle] She’s taking me so deep in her pussy too. [moan] such a good girl…

  
  


**Claptrap:** This. Is. _Awesome._

  
  


[Continue sexy sounds]

[Eventually, Brock turns his head to Sam and Max. Him and Ash should still be fucking The Player as he talks]

  
  


**Brock:** I, uh… [laugh] I bet _you two_ know a lot about ‘doggystyle’, right? _Right?_

  
  


**Max:** That's none of your damn business!

  
  


[Short pause]

  
  


**Sam:** I understand the joke, and you might think I’d take offence to it... but as a matter of fact, yeah. Max says he loves how primal and natural it feels, and I have to agree.

**Max:** [defensive] _Sam!_ You can’t just talk about our personal lives like that!

**Sam:** [apologetic] ah... right. Sorry little buddy.

**Max:** You gotta _also_ tell them how much I like my ears being pulled!

**Glados:** In any other situation I would’ve been appalled at that. But given the circumstances, I’ll let it slide.

**Claptrap:** [annoying laugh] ...cir-CUM-stances.

**Ash:** [disappointed/irritated sound]

**Brock:** Hey, would you keep your goofy little comments to yourself, asshole? We’re trying to have a good time here, not turn celibate.

  
  


[Claptrap pauses awkwardly- despite Brock and Ash continuing to fuck The Player]

  
  


**Claptrap:** Aw, come on. I’m not _that_ big of a turn off! Uh, right? _...Right?_

  
  


[The Player stops sucking Ash’s cock to stammer out “no...”]

  
  


**Claptrap:** HAH. See? The Player thinks I’m hot.

**Glados:** She didn’t say that...

**Max:** Pfft. If you’re into short guys with annoying voices, I guess.

**Sam:** [small chuckle]

**Max:** ...what?

  
  


[The Player goes back to sucking Ash’s cock. Continue the wet/sexy sounds]

  
  


**Brock:** Hey, ignore Artoo over there… this is about _us._

  
  


**Ash:** Yeah... [small laugh] and, hey... What the lagomorph said gives me an idea. How’d you like it if I pulled on your hair?

  
  


[Ash pulls on The Player’s hair, and she has a positive reaction]

  
  


**Brock:** [growl] You’re so cute with those little noises…

**Ash:** [moan] The vibrations around me when you _moan_ like that... I’m so close, baby…

  
  


[Continue sexy sounds]

  
  


**Brock:** [breathy] Shit... I’m close too. You’re gonna make me cum, dollface... Oh, yeah, cum with me... like that… yeah- _yeah-!_

  
  


[Moaning sounds as Brock climaxes]

  
  


**Brock:** Oh, _fuck_ yeah. Take all my cum... _good and deep..._

**Ash:** [gasp/moan] I’m gonna cum too… _I’m gonna cum-!_

  
  


[Moaning sounds as Ash climaxes]

[They each ride out their orgasms with The Player]

  
  


**Ash:** Yeah, swallow all of it. [Breathy laugh] you’re getting filled up from both ends, huh? God, you look so pretty like that...

  
  


[Heavy breaths as the three of them come down from their highs together. Improv if you’d like!]

  
  


**Max:** [whiny] Sam...

**Sam:** [smug] what’s wrong, little buddy?

**Max:** [frustrated noise] don’t make me beg for it. I _need_ you.

**Sam:** [teasing] Oh, Max... Right now we’re sitting and watching. We don’t want to interrupt their fun, do we?

**Max:** but-

**Sam:** We can have our _own_ fun when we get home.

  
  


[Max crosses his arms]

  
  


**Max:** _hmmph._ Fine.

  
  
  


[Ash, Brock, and The Player are still catching their breath]

**Brock:** Here… let me slide out of you, dollface. 

**Ash:** [holding on to The Player] damn, baby, you’re all shaky… you alright?

**Brock:** [sarcastic] Thank you, thank you, I know I’m amazing.

**Ash:** [amused at Brock, but still concerned about The Player] you’re not too tired, are ya? I.. [small laugh] I still really wanna feel what it’s like inside you...

**Brock:** Yeah… and I wanna find out what that pretty mouth feels like around _my_ cock.

  
  


[The Player agrees]

[Claptrap can’t believe his luck] 

  
  


**Claptrap:** You’re gonna go _again?_ Damn, you’re like rabbits!

**Max:** ...Excuse me?

**Claptrap:** [realising what he said] uh…

  
  


[The low sound of a dog (Sam) growling]

  
  


**Sam:** [serious] You wanna repeat that?

**Claptrap:** [nervous laugh] heh… repeat what? I didn’t say anything..!

**Sam:** [as if to say ‘that’s what I thought’] _Hmm..._

  
  


**Glados:** [to Claptrap] Your pitiful nature is almost cute. [pause] _Almost._

  
  


**Ash:** [to The Player] Here, turn around baby...

  
  


[The Player turns around, so Ash is now behind her and Brock is in front]

  
  


**Ash:** [small moan] you’re leaking so much… [quiet laugh] let's get my cock inside you before we make too much of a mess...

  
  


[Ash moans as he slides inside The Player. Wet sounds as he thrusts in and out]

  
  


**Brock:** Mmm… your hands feel amazing around my cock. But I just know your mouth would feel even better. [moan] that’s right…

  
  


[Continue sexy sounds. Improv as you see fit!]

  
  


**Ash:** I.. I’m already so close again…

**Brock:** Yeah, me too…

**Ash:** [to The Player] You’re like magic, you know that? Pure fucking magic… [moans] Are you gonna cum again too? [pause as she answers] Mmm.. Here, let me rub your clit...

  
  


[Ash rubs The Player’s clit, and her reaction sends shivers through both Ash and Brock’s bodies]

  
  


**Brock:** [moan/growl] fuck yeah…

**Ash:** [moan] That’s it… You take it so _well._ I can feel you dripping down my legs...

  
  


[Continue sexy sounds]

  
  
  


**Brock:** I… I’m gonna cum.. sweetcheeks.. [moan/growl] I’m gonna cum in your mouth.

**Ash:** I’m gonna cum too. [moan] You ready, baby? Ready to take all my cum? Yeah, take it deep inside you… [growl] I’m gonna pound you until this barstool _breaks…_

**Glados:** I don’t think The Owner would be very happy if-

**Sam & Max:** [both shush Glados at the same time]

  
  
  


**Claptrap:** [excited] That’s it! Fuck her and make her cum again!

  
  
  


[All three of them climax. Ash and Brock ride out their orgasms with The Player. Improv any additional lines you want!]

  
  


**Ash:** Oh, _fuck_ yeah...

**Brock:** _Shit..._

  
  


[The three of them catch their breath together]

  
  


**Brock:** [breathy] You… are _amazing_ , dollface…

**Ash:** [breathy] Yeah… [sigh] you... you okay?

  
  


[Fabric/Belt sounds as they get dressed]

  
  


**Claptrap:** That. Was. _AWESOME._ See?! I have the _best_ ideas!

  
  


[Sam, Max, and Glados all agree. Improv!]

  
  


**Ash:** Here, sit down slowly, baby. I bet your legs are all shaky, huh? 

**Sam:** Jeez. You really did a number on her.

  
  


[Ash and Brock laugh sheepishly]

  
  


**Ash:** Hey, Brock, go get her a glass of water and whatever kind of snacks they have behind the bar.

**Brock:** Sure thing. [to The Player] You’re not allergic to peanuts, are you?

**Glados:** I have to say, that was fascinating to watch. Even better than some of the videos you find online.

**Claptrap:** Tell me about it!

**Ash:** [sarcastically] Aw... you flatter us.

  
  


[Brock sets down a glass of water and a bag of snacks on the table]

  
  


**Brock:** Here ya go. Hopefully your legs get less trembly soon.

  
  


[A pause. Then…]

  
  


**Claptrap:** Hey, wait. I just thought of something...

**Ash:** ...what?

**Claptrap:** [sheepish] ...Don’t you humans normally have to take precautions to, uh... not get pregnant when you have sex? I mean, I didn’t see _any_ of you use protection...

  
  


[awkward silence as realisation kicks in]

  
  


**Brock:** ...ah _shit._

**Ash:** I, uh... we didn’t, uh...

**Glados:** [interrupting] Calm your feeble human nerves. This is just a non-canon erotic audio based on a non-canon video game, so nothing you say or do will have any lasting effects on reality.

  
  


[Ash and Brock both laugh nervously in relief. HUGE relief]

  
  


**Brock:** [whistle] _phew_.

**Ash:** Close call. I was worried there for a second. [to The Player] Good news for all three of us, huh?

**Max:** Hey, robot lady... Is what you said just now true?

**Glados:** Yes, it’s true.

**Max:** Reeaallyy?

**Glados:** [mimicking] Reeaallyy.

**Max:** So, I could do _anything_ right now, and I wouldn’t get in trouble for it?

**Sam:** Max. _No._

  
  


**Ash:** Ehh, keep your violent thoughts to yourself, shorty. [thoughtful] I’ve got different things on _my_ mind...

**Brock:** Oh yeah? Whatcha thinkin?

  
  


[Before Ash can reply, there’s the distant sound of a door opening and closing]

[Footsteps]

  
  


**The Host:** [getting gradually louder as he walks closer] Apologies for taking so long, everyone. I hope things have been going well in my absence. What did I miss?

  
  


[Ash leans closer to The Player]

  
  


**Ash:** Hey, looks like The Host’s back. [teasing] ...What d’ya say we show him some of those skills of yours? I mean, you’ve shown _us_ what you can do, but don’t you wanna show _him_ how interesting you are, too?

**Brock:** [teasing] It only seems fair. You up for it, sweetcheeks?

  
  


[Short pause]

  
  


**Claptrap:** [to himself] Fuck. _Yeah._ If I’d have known the entertainment would be _this_ great, I would’ve started playing poker _way_ sooner!


End file.
